I Doubt It

I remember when I learned the difference between the word “mute” & the word “moot”. I was a sophomore in high school. I used the phrase, “it’s a mute point” thinking the word mute means unable to speak so a mute point must be a point having no validity. I was corrected by a fellow student, who took great delight in being able to teach me something. She was absolutely giddy she knew something I didn’t know. Years later the mega hit television sitcom Friends would create a similar scenario with Joey playing my part.

I found it really odd someone could derive such happiness because they knew something someone else did not. I even asked her about it, & she said it was because I always seemed to know everything & it annoyed her. I can see that. I wasn’t particularly humble in those days. I once got called to the principal’s office because I was acting too “confident”. I remember being mostly speechless during that trip because I knew there had to be a big joke involved. Nope. They were serious. Don’t get me wrong, I was arrogant & undeservedly so most of the time. I just didn’t realize to what extent this affected others.

For an activity I was working on, I asked a number of my friends to answer the question, “What is my unique capability?”. One of them wrote back the following:

I think, if I had to describe the most unique ability or behavior you display, it would be your level of belief in yourself. You’ve done a great many things, and perhaps even a slight majority of those things have been outwardly prohibitive to obtain/achieve, ill-advised, or even just completely driven by fantasy – in spite of that, you’ve still managed to achieve them because there doesn’t appear to be even an iota of self-doubt in the entire ocean of your being.

Wow. An ego boost of sorts, for sure, & not the way I generally view myself. I’m sure you realize people see you differently than how you see yourself internally, as well. What they see is not what we feel, necessarily.

You see dragons, I struggle with self-doubt almost every day. We all fight the battle of self-worth, if not daily, from time to time. Even those of us who appear to be riding the confidence ship home, struggle. We doubt our talent. We worry someone is going to find out what a fraud we are & we will be exposed.

We are all fighting battles no one knows about but us. We all struggle. You are not alone. I am not alone in my struggle. And when you do find the battle is overtaking you, please make sure you raise your hand, lift your voice to the world, & shout to the universe “this is how I feel! & if you feel this way too – you are not alone”

We will be listening for you, for your voice. You are not alone.

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